Confessions of a Recovering Love Avoidant

by Writing Pen

People have been hating me since I was born,

I tell myself, I explain to my inner child,

The wisdom of learning to avoid people.

It’s the same old story that existed more than a millennium

about my family and me.

The same old story from yesterday morning

about me and my inner child.

It’s called “Coping Skills

and Consequences of Love Avoidance.”

It’s called “Psychological Paradigms of Abused Persons.”

called “The Child who’d Rather Study than Play.”

There are people in the room, my history teacher says,

they mean more than books.

But they don’t care about my insides,

I’m safer with books,

they won’t hurt me.

I was confused

if I had a body and a heart,

or if I was all mind.

You’re always afraid, she said on another day,

hope you can be brave,

hope you find self-esteem,

or self-worth.

I replied, How is that possible?

If you don’t know yourself, then I can’t help you.

She was at peace with my confusion,

at peace with my ambivalence.

One day she told me a story

called, “Love Addiction in Traumatized People.”

called “Loss of Identity and Dignity

after Childhood Abuse.”

called “I Sing Songs that People Call Dark.”

Created 12/15/2020